- I thought last week was 16 weeks so now I’m confused on how fast time is flying.
I really feel in the flow this week, like “yea I can totally do this.” I’ve managed a great work/life balance, me/motherhood balance and even handled the house and kiddos solo for 3 days. Don’t get me wrong I still wake up every morning soaked in someone else’s pee and most days end it with that same someone’s spit up streaking my hair and shoulders but it all seems so fleeting: the hard moments, the pull my hair out moments, the tender moments, the oh my god that was the cutest thing anyone has ever done ever moments, the I don’t know if I can do this moments, the life can’t get any better moments, they all go so so very fast. So I am finding the flow in reminding myself it’s all very temporary, to handle myself with humor and to cherish it all.
I struggled for a long time to surrender to motherhood. A friend told me nothing lights me up like talking about my child. I was so leery of shifting my focus from working to staying at home full time and now I feel like I really understand what she was trying to say. I feel really fulfilled, I feel challenged, I feel like I’m growing everyday. It is the biggest privilege and sacrifice, gift and blessing to be able to have this time.
I’m working on a super cool cowel hood for myself. It appears I knit as fast as I take tests. It’s thrilling and it’s nice and necessary to have something that is all mine that produces beauty in the world.
I’m having a “skinny” week. The scale has dipped a couple pounds the last two weeks and all the clothes I bought for my trip a few weeks ago are starting to get too big. Aside from that what is most important to me is that I feel strong. I feel healthy and vibrant and that is nothing to take for granted.