It seems pretty impossible that I’m already half way to 40 weeks. It goes so much faster with a new baby to care for and not morning sickness. I’m pretty much the same size if not the same shape now as I was 19 weeks pregnant: half way “there”.
I’ve been thinking alot about the concept of organic. Picking and processing apples from our front yard has a lot to do with it, being mindful of watching my body transform after pregnancy and childbirth is another. Organic literally means derived from living matter so growing a person doesn’t get much more organic. When we pick apples from our yard they are all different, some are bruised or misshaped, the colors are slightly different but they all taste good. “Organic apples” in the store are so much more uniform its almost like a photoshopped version. Its like our whole culture has lost the concept of what everything is supposed to look like, we’ve traded real for an unrealistic concept of beauty. The ironic part, and I don’t even know exactly how I got here, is that despite my organic imperfect body I’ve never felt more confident in it, I’ve never loved it more. How liberating to be 171 pounds and a size 12 and never felt better about myself. What a gift. I feel strong and healthy and just like my apple tree that we’ve never done a thing too and yet it gives us apples every year. I’m sure my body will release the extra stores of energy it needed to sustain my sweet rainbow baby and if it doesn’t it doesn’t matter I won’t love myself any more or any less based on what a scale says.